Review

So, I was cruising around the city in my IROC with Paulie “Bones” and this broad Maria in my back seat. I heard Maria plays the trombone like she was first chair in the Philadelphia orchestra but that’s for another time. Paulie "Bones" and I had a couple stops here in the city and he was cryin he was freaking hungry but he didn’t want no goddamn sandwich. So I drug those two miserable bastards to a Philadelphia institution of Italian dining. Located right in the middle of the South Philly Italian market area, Ralph’s is the country’s oldest family owned Italian restaurant. … So me, Paulie and Maria walk into dis joint where Teddy Roosevelt once graced Ralph’s with his presence during the Republican national convention back in who knows when. Right away we could tell we was in an old school joint wit the tile floor that was older den my fashion style, complete wit black and white photos that looked as if they was from the civil war era.…so they sat us down at a little table in the middle of the joint. We were literally on top of the other mamalukes sitting next to us, I mean lets be fair I am a big guy. But that’s the deal in a little place like this, I mean its old school even though I had to listen to two suits eye up some broad across the room they obviously had no shot wit. What I really wanted to do was introduce these guys to my to my uncle “Cement Shoes” Sunny, but that’s a story for another time. So as I am telling Paulie how I lost his cut of the last horse we won on, a little snotnose punk busboy trew some bread on our table and ran off. Then this big thug of a waiter comes up and takes our drink order. I could’ve sworn I did time with this big prick…Anyways we decided to get a carafe of the house Chianti and let me tellya, that shit was slammin, kinda like my fist into that poor sap’s face who gave up his IROC. Maria looks as if she is malnourished and Paulie he's a fat prick so we decided to get some appetizers. We decided on the roasted peppers and mozzarella and clams casino and mussels in white. Most of dis stuff was ok but it seemed like they got der ingredients from da Acame. Myself, I got the mussels in white sauce, and they were pretty friggin good but not the best I ever had. For an entrée, Maria got the homemade raviolis and not for nuttin but they were cooked just right…not mushy but nice and al dente. Paulie got the chicken cacciatore over some fra diablo sauce and he said it was balls out delicious, nice and spicy like some of da women I used to date (yea right). Myself, I got da Veal Sorrento, and let me tell ya this one of Ralph’s signature dishes it was incredible. It was tender veal layered with slices of fresh eggplant and melted with mozzarella cheese in Ralph’s own marinara sauce. It was so good I wanted to have a moment to myself when I was done, u know just to reflect on da meal. So it was getting late and deez two was startin to aggravate me besides I had to go meet some guy about a thing so we skipped dessert. Overall, Ralph’s is damn good place to get a nice Italian dinner…der menu on their website is old, I mean you don't have be a detective to know when a site was designed when the place first opened in the 1900's. Nevertheless, it really makes you feel like you’re a wanna be wiseguy like me. I suggest you get your asses down to Ralph's and make a reservations just in case though, since you don’t got da pull like me.

The money wasn’t all that expensive and lets face it, I never have a lot of dough to trow around. This place definitely didn’t break the bank and god bless Maria, she paid the check for us two cheapskates wit the money she got from her babies daddy; since they dont take no credit cards at this joint. CASH ONLY. As far as he is concerned, man that was a good party at Chucky Cheeses. Don’t expect to pay the prices that you pay in Ole’ City or Rittenhousequeer, its more like you would pay in any other middle of the road restaurant and believe me for the quality its damn nice.

Parking around here is a little tight but luckily ole Ralph’s offers valet parking for $10 a pop not including tip. I always trow the guy a twenty so he would take extra care of my Samantha. so when we asked for the car and the little piece punk of a valet guy came in with the keys to Samantha and he broke my handcrafted IROC keychain…I wanted to shank this mutt right in his balls, but I was full and I didn’t feel like movin and he apologized like he wanted to have Maria's love child.

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