Philadelphia Restaurant Reviews

Yo cuzz, it’s me Fat Joe, the restaurant connoisseur from the tough streets of South Philly. Now you might be thinking, who the hell am I and why do I have my own website…hey, guess what, just because I’m 35 and I live in my mother’s basement, doesn’t mean I can’t amount to nuttin…let me tell you something you half a sissy, I hear that garbage all day from my moms so I’ll wrap your neck around a tree if you even look at me funny…

So listen up when I open the black hole known as my mouth, I know everything and everybody there is worth knowin in this city…so because of that I figured I should share my expert knowledge on stuffin my face and gorgin myself on food and booz. So on this site I’m gonna review da best restaurants in the Philadelphia area…not for nuttin but who better to judge food and drink then a fat, lasagna eatin, garlic sweatin, Italian like me…I tell you everything you need to know about deez joints such as: where to park, how much scodal you gotta bring, whether you should go packin, if you could bring your wife or your gooomar, if you gotta bring tums cause the scugilli gives you agida. I’ll talk about the dress code; like if you could wear your South Philly tuxedo A.K.A. a "wife-beater" or a nice casual FILA jumpsuit, or even nice jewelry like a gold boot, horn or a nice shiny pinky ring.

Why Philly you say, I say why the hell not…Philadelphia is the birthplace of our great nation and home to the best sandwiches in the world…and not for nuttin it’s a freaking hoagie not a sub like those weirdo’s from New York say…revolutionary masterpieces such as the cheesesteak, which is a staple of any healthy diet..I can trow down seven in one sittin no problem…we got that bell wit the crack in it…that half a retard rocky was born here…we got those pretzels soft like your sister’s rump…that broad who sews, Betsy, made our first stars and stripes…we got that fat mug who was flyin a kite in the rain…Not for nuttin, but where else could you get the greatest sports teams in the nation all in one location…E A G L E S Eagles.

Alls I’m here to do is provide you ignorant persons wit my personal Philadelphia Restaurant Reviews. Da best part about it as far as you know it’s not costing you nuttin, Bo.